Thursday, September 17, 2009

What do I stand for in life

Well well well, it is so interesting when we begin to communicate and put ourselves out here onto the web. It is interesting to do so in a manner that allows anyone to read and judge and assume and think whatever it is that they want to think about what I am writting. I guess that is normal, everyone has their opinions, I wish that more people would submit comments.

So I write and express myself differently than some of my friends. I have different ways of expressing myself and different ways of think and rationalizing and different things that I am interested in and definitely different things that I am passionate about and different things that I chose to research and mainly different things that I chose to focus on. I have been told that I was raised by a feminized father, I have been called too emotional and soft or sensitive. This is not new to me. Since I was in high school I have gone different ways and chosen different paths than most. I don't watch TV anymore and chose not to listen to the news since I think the media is driven by money and corporations. Even if I were to listen to all of the am radio talk shows, I don't think I would enjoy it, even it listening to all of them would give me more than one side of view that each of them usually do. It is left or right, or democrate or republican or liberal or conservative. Everything has a label these days. Oh, I have also chosen not to get married because I tend to think that it is a label as well. Many may think differently than I do on this matter, but I could really care less. Rosemary and I have already created a partnership that is honest, truthful, supportive, loving and pretty much all that we want it to be, and it continues to grow. I don't agree that marriage is only supposed to be between a man and a woman. What the hell difference does it make if it is two men, two women or a man and a woman. So, what do I stand for, well if you continue to read this blog you will continue to read what I stand for. I continue to find this out every day, and it does not revolve around what i have been told or have read in a book from school. I stand for alot of things. I stand for freedom to not stand for anything if that is what i choose. I stand for taking the road less traveled and stand for stepping out into the unknown. I can't stand to be boxed. What I stand for today might change tomorrow.

So, when I am told to tell someone what i stand for.........It is almost like they think that I don't know what I stand for. They would of course say that is an assumption that I am making about them, but my gut says otherwise. I have alot of things that I stand for.....I just don't feel the need to discuss them with others as do most people that want to be heard. I do not lead a fear based life that is feed by the media. I think that we welcome drama into our lives by watching tv and listening to the radio. I am not worried about H1N1 vaccinations bein supposedly forced on the population, I don't live in the dark adn don't think it is my duty to wake people up to the darkness that exists our in the world. I would rather talk about goodness and things that are not full of fear. I don't stand for pushing my opinions on others because I need to establish myself as knowledgable. I don't need for all of my friends to think like I do, but I damn sure expect them to respect me for who I am and what I am doing and what I think and if I chose not to express to them my feelings, I expect them to be cool with it. I also stand for being in touch with my feminine side and stand for being emotional and enjoy being able to cry whenever I want. I don't stand up for WAR, even though there are good things that come from it too. I am not bi on guns even though I own one. I don't like the idea of hunting because I don't like killing things. I am not big on fishing because it bores me. I love fire. I am scared of sharks and love the smell of freshly cut grass. I do not like pain and think I have a low tollerance of it. I could care less about discussing politics with anyone. I don't usually try to change others opinions because 99% of the time you cannot change someone's opinion, or maybe the percentage is lower, but you know what i mean.

So what do I stand for. I would like to study a few different religions including islam if that is what I chose. I love diversity. I enjoy planting flowers, even though some would say that it is not a manly thing to do. I am so tired of being judged based off of someone elses experiences in life. It gets old really quickly with me. Each person grows up learning different things because they are communicated with differently and had different role models etc.....different ways of showing affection, different habits, different lifestyles and sports activities, everything is different. When someone tells me to look in the mirror in order to think about what I stand for in life, why don't you do it yourself, and keep it to yourself once you figure it out. You don't have to shout it out to the world or force your opinions on others, or try to change my ways, or try to change my opinion or even try to engage me in conversation, expecially if it has to do with politics or war or healthcare or whatever the media is shoveling down your throat. I am not a player in that game, even though YOU think I should be. Yes, it affects me, but only to the extent that I allow it to. Then we get back into the whole, telling me what is good for me to think, it kind of reminds me of TV all over again. Makes me want to simply walk away from it all. What the hell happened to simply saying hello? how is it going? how is your family? I guess it goes back to others feeling the need to express themselves, to be heard, to let others know they exist, to push agendas on others. Or is it that they want to get to know me better? Does it make people anxious for me to not say anything at all. Is it a problem for me to be quiet and not say anything? Is that the problem. They would of course say otherwise.....It kind of reminds me of the way I feel about religion and church......I respect your opinion about religion, but don't force your views on me. this is what I stand for since it is so important. It is nice to be home again. Why is it so important for me to express what I stand for? Is it so you can fire back judgements in your head, even though you don't say them verbally. Is it so you can make yourself better than me? Or is it so that you can feel better knowing that I know what I stand for? Why the fuck does it matter to you what I stand for???? Or do you just want to converse? Get ready, my stance will continue to change as it has since the day I was born.....Oh, yes I am a sensitive male and am cool with it.