Sunday, September 27, 2009

The analyzer

I think I am continuiously analyzing things in my mind. I don't think I ever stop to be honest. If I am not analyzing myself I am analyzing my actions or maybe my past or what is to "be" in my future. I don't necessarily want to label it positive or negative or whatever, I guess I am just coming to this realization. I guess this blog is art of the things that go through my head that I analyze. I awoke today feelin nicely. It is nice to not have anyone but myself and the dogs in the house on this quiet Sunday morning. The door is open, the fans are running. I enjoy this time of year so much in Atlanta. the yellow in the leaves and the oranges and reds......So I have like 1000's of thought going thrugh my head. Last night I talked with numerous people about seeing everyone years later, the changes, the striff some have gone through, the children, the appearances that ahave changes and not changed, the stories and how it is nice to put a time frame on life, like 15 year reunion. 15 years later. It is kind of like a check up on everyone. We made a list f those who ahd been killed, some suicide, drug overdoses, criminal activity, accidents, health issues, adn then we spoke of the relationship issues, the children invlved, the divorces that are going to happen, and some asked about my travels and in the end I realized that we all have 1000 things going on in our heads. We are all dealing with things and conversing about thema nd we all have certain things in our lives that we love and certain that we hate. We need to think about this te next time we are at a red light and we look over at the person next to us. We are all so caught up in our own little world that we fail to realize that so is the person next to you all day long, every day this is the case. Everyone has voices and everyone has things they are dealing with and love and dislike. It is comforting in a way to know that some of those I ran into last night have it worst than I do, depending on how you look at it. But all of us are moving forward and all of us are doing our best. We may feel as though we are the only one's, but we are not alone in the challenges that all of us face. The difference is how we communicate during times of challenge or change. Which actually is Everyday, you know. In my past I drank and miscommunicated, but felt good, and talked more than necessary most of the time. Now I write and talk to myself and self judge and spend alot fo time in my head about things, I also self medicate with ganja. Some people hold it all to themselves and become ood actors, and there are many ways to live life. Many people simply float throug life and in public come across as though nothing is bad at all. We all deal with challenges differently. It is just so interesting to be living and to be engulfed in life and challenges and insecure situations or the wonderful situations and new experiences and great new life challenges and to wake up and see the sun and smell the rain and listen to nature and travel the earth and swim in the sea and taste salt water from the great bodies of water we enjoy. To hear from friends and to play with children and to try and understand their logic. Just to breath in and out and to dream when we sleep and to enjoy the love of ur dogs and eat good food and feel all emotions.....Life is good. So I have all of these voices that go on in my head.......Do you too? If you do, do you talk back, or allow the conversations to continue. And no I am not crazy or anything, this is just the type of thing that makes me wonder and want to know about others. I feel like I accomplish alot, but do others constantly have discussions in their heads.....Am I weird or odd or normal and healthy......I love to stay busy, but is it truely possible for me to slow down and not have all of the mind chatter. The chatter.......that is exaclty what it is. Marijuana helps actually, it takes the edge off of it all. but then again so does writting. I kind of like them conversations I am having currently, but I am ready o see some action, you know. So......this is my world now, this is what I stand for today, and this is what goes on in my head, no children, just dogs, and me waking up alone in a house in the hood, in a quiet house on Sunday with the sun shinning, waiting for my cup of coffee to appear with ceiling fans running and the Fall breeze blowing through the house. Off to analyze another day in my life