Reassurances are wonderful

So the last few days have taught me so much. I thought that I was only to learn about kiteboarding while here in Hatteras. Nope!!! Not many of you know that I have been restless over the last 4 months or so. Struggling with certain things like sugar consumption, and anxiety. I have simply been wondering what's next and somewhat judging myself for my decisions and having a little bit of fear for heading in this completely new direction. Anyway, I have been very restless in my skin.....So idecided to take a trip down memory lane and decided to drink alcohol again. I must say, it was nice to have a cold beer after kiteboarding at kite point. It was so nice. So yesterday I decided to partake again and ended up having such a great time. It was nice to feel the buzz from alcohol again all day and all afternoon. I drank more than necessary as usual. It was so nice to step out of bounds again, atleast in my head it is out. So I enjoyed breaking the rules. Wow is all I got to say. It brought back so many memories and fears and realities and the feelings that I really did not miss. This morning I awoke with a hangover. I even tried to drink alot of water before I went to sleep. Oh well, this is the day after, the feeling I hated and am living now. I meet some interesting folks. Got some great music from a guy from Charlotte. Bands I am listening to are SOJA, Stick Figure, Pepper, The Movement, and more. So all of the guys I met and hung out with yesterday and also passionate about getting into this sport. So during the festivities last night I met this uy named Lucas from Charlotte. he looks like a badass motorcross guy. Sharpe as hell and in the midst of it all, I found out he doesn't drink. The second he said that he doesn't drink, I was so envious and jealous and so happy......I have been having such a hard time meeting others who are active and go getters and similar ways of communicating and living and thinking and things in common and thought processes similar and passion heading in the right direction and he doesn't drink alcohol. I awoke hungover today and he showed up at my trailer and I immediately let him know my situation with alcohol and that I had been sober for 1.6 years etc......It was rassuring for me that I will meet people who don't focus on alcohol in order to socially lubricate or socially medicate and so often miscommunicate. I am being reassuered left and right that the sober lifestyle I was leading is exactly what I need and that I was heading in the right direction. This man, Lucas, was sent to reassure me of some questions I have been having and that there are people I will connect with more than just on the surface, but also with like-minded thoughts and ways of living and outlooks and conversations and motivations and life experiences and wishes and goals etc......This is begining to sound a little weird, anyway......today has just been so grounding and reassuring o fo so many things......So I had my own kind of ceremony and healing in the past few days. I remember pulling out the sage and saging everyone that was hanging out here last night. I wish I could have had a camaera of that. They appreciated it from what I remember.......So it is not windy here at all and not due to be windy here until Friday or Saturday. I am feeling so great right now.....I am not judging myself or feeling like a failure of fearful, but more able to feel like I am in control of my decisions and my life etc.......It is nice to communicate with myself on different levels through experiences and new awareness and respect for these experiences. Traveling the country and learning a very tough sport pretty much alone has been kind of stressful. I guess stressful in its own way. I am loving this life and taking full advantage of every opportunity that is presenting itself. After the reassurances of the ast few days, I am only imagining what wonderful things will present themselves over the next 3 months. I am begining to manifest things into my life quicker and quicker, it helps to step out of the comfort zone to get this kind of growth and opportunities. I wish that others could do the same things as I am right now, but many are unable to. So I will share my experiences and the love and the vibes and music and tastes and sounds and passion and photos and everything in other ways. It is such a road less traveled that I think it might be hard for others to enjoy or understand. So many people can't pick up and take off for a month or three......I am enjoyin my decisions made in the past....So this is where I am and I am loving life more than ever before and meeting some great people seeking passion in similar ways as I. It is so interesting to experience all of the different characters and stories and ways of behaving after a few drinks......It is so interesting, But I think I will begin to medicate myself on the water when their is wind and staying sober when there is no wind.....It is what works for me and those that are usually around me. What a life this is........I can say that it is treating me well and teaching me alot. Just about everyone in my family is feeling the same but from different situations. it is amazing what is going on within my family. It amazes me. The phone conversations are much better these days and I am proud of all of the women in my family. They are strong and smart and loving and respectful and learning a hell of alot these days......I love those ladies so much........I think Dad would enjoy this sport.....Katie would be great at this sport........I'm thinking about investing in a good camera and taking pictures and being somewhat of a "Stephen Davis" type. He's a guy that basically made his living of selling pictures of people back to them. He did it at the baseball park. So I do that at areas or contests or beaches in the caribean and give them on memory sticks to those that purchase them. Everyone likes to have their picture taken, don't we....Imaine setting up at a beach with a computer, camera, wetsuit, tripod, etc and selling 20 pics at $7 a peice, or more and ost them on the internet for customers to see. Low maintenance and technology supported and can be done everywhere I want to be, where the wind is blowing and kiteboarding is taking place.....>What an idea......We'll see what happens soon.....You know we create everything that is in front of us? We create our realities and limits and undaries and safety zone and all that we live. We are in comlete control of what we do. So we'll see if what I am thinking will take place.

I miss rose,....she's going through alot too these days and learning alot about communicating and her new limits and boundaries and much more, atleast that is my take. It is so nice to be supported by her these days. It is so nice to have her as a partner, a loving life partner she is. I am so lucky to have this opportunity and chance to experience things with her by my side. What a lucky man I am.....I love you Rose, you blow me away every day.....and so much more than I ever dreamed I would have, thanks

Check out SOJA "You and Me", seriously, they got this great vibe. get it on Limewire.